167.

And on a booze-fueled hunger strike.

Steadily Getting Worse

Every week, I relapse on another behavior. Restricting and drinking, week one. Purging and fasting forums, week two. Overexercise, week three. Bingeing and caffeine abuse, week four. Calorie counting, week five.

The only behavior left at this point is diet pill use.

My weight is 169. I'm on Christmas vacation for a week, away from my partial hospitalization program, so my ED has dedicated this week to eating as little as possible and losing as much weight as I can before I have to go back. So far today, I've had twelve calories. My rule: only eat meal-type food (not extras, like the twelve cals worth of vanilla creamer I put in my coffee this morning) when someone is eating with me. I don't trust myself to eat alone. I am not allowed to take the initiative to fix myself food. Someone else (read: my mom - it's just the two of us) needs to Officially Sanction the Mealtime, and then invite me to join it. And now that I've been through symptom interruption and have been taught the system of Exchanges, my ED shall put it into use by limiting me to five Exchanges per day.