The Hustle Diaries: Laurels

I didn't do anything else yesterday. I had a single productive hour, and that was it. Well, I did laundry and made a Crazy Addict video, but I didn't do anything else towards the end of earning money.

This morning I went to the gym for an hour and a half to do the treadmill, the bike, and weights, and I listened to one of my running podcasts. They almost always interview elite runners and it gets me wishing I had more dedication, so I could actually do speedwork instead of avoiding it because it's not fun. Then I could get fast and actually start placing in my age group and before I knew it my marathon time would be literally cut in half and I'd be an elite runner too. And then I'd have sponsors so I wouldn't have to run in the same pair of shoes for two years, I'd be able to replace them every 400-500 miles like you're supposed to. It would be really, really weird for my feet, always running in new-feeling shoes. But on the downside, even though all my races would be paid for, I would only be able to enter a maximum of four per year because I'd have to do so much recovery, I'd be running so fast.

My real love is running far, not fast, but it's harder to find sponsors when you're not "winning" anything, you're just going out one day and running 100 miles in one shot because you're nuts. And in this running daydream I need sponsors. It's silly how much I love the idea of running marathons and ultras. Lots of them. Back to back to back to back.

I think, actually, that I need to stop talking about it and start doing it. Every running coach in the world advises never to run the marathon distance in the course of your training, because strain overexertion injury blah blah blah. But your body can totally handle the marathon distance at an actual race, so what's the difference, really, between 26.2 miles that you paid to run and 26.2 miles that you didn't? Besides, a fair number of people (about a thousand, most in the United States) have had race seasons of running a marathon (or two!) every single weekend; that's how there exist people who have run over 500 marathons - even over 1,000 - in their lifetimes. So I am going to start a tradition this Sunday: the tradition of running 26.2 miles once a week for the rest of my life. That'll be pretty darn awesome. Excuse me, I've got some routes to plan.

(Sorry, this was supposed to be about hustling. I haven't done any more hustling. I have nothing to report.)

The Hustle Diaries: Photos and coffee

I applied for two jobs today - another modeling job, and Dunkin' Donuts. Confession: even though it pays most of my bills these days, modeling is perhaps the only job in the world that I don't enjoy. I never thought I could dislike working and feeling like I'm doing something, but I guess with modeling I don't feel like I'm doing anything. I'm not being a "productive member of society," even though I am earning money. It is really hard work, let's just make that clear - it is not easy to hold an uncomfortable pose or to dissociate from my body, step outside and use it like an inanimate hunk of clay without feelings of comfort or safety or lack thereof associated with any particular body part or position - and for what? A few pictures. Did I mention modeling's hard?

I also need to contact an ADD study sometime today, and I need to answer a five-day-old email from a prospective dance client. He's probably assumed I'm not interested and hired someone else by now. I don't know why the emails that should be the most exciting to open are the hardest and scariest to open. I need to make at least $113 by tomorrow night, a collection agency called me yesterday, and this email's just sitting there in my inbox, and what if the event he needed me for has already passed, I wouldn't even know it. The best explanation is that my depression is a jealous lover who wants me to spend all my time with him, so he does everything he can to keep me away from opportunities for happiness or success. The things I least feel like doing at any given moment are precisely the things that I know would make me happy if I did them.

Anyways, hopefully "The Hustle Diaries" won't go the way of the "Commitment" series. I've been dealing with wicked hypersomnia lately and have fallen off the hustle wagon, so I need some accountability to get back on, and be productive with my days once more. Yesterday all I did was lie in bed, drink, and play flash games. That is literally ALL I did. I was supposed to lead a write-in and I didn't go. I missed my own write-in, an event that would have made me feel great because I would have written and socialized and gone outside, in favor of staying in bed and being a blob. Hopefully just opening my Blogger dashboard and wanting to have something to report will lead me to get things done.

I'm on the train to work now - more modeling - but I hope to update tonight on how many more job applications I fill out on the train ride home, and how I come up with that $113.

Re-Commitment: Two

It's day two, and I'm nineteen and a half hours into liquitarianism. I've been watching a lot of videos on breatharianism and looking at conference transcripts, and although I think the insanely concentrated quantity of New-Ageiness is very silly indeed, I do hope to transition to a point where I do not need food at all. Period. For the rest of my life. The way I see it, through my addict eyes, food is just another psychoactive substance I've become physiologically dependent on. It's a drug habit.

Coffee and tea, on the other hand -- those are habits I will never give up.

More commitment

I need to renew my commitment to blog at least once every eight hours. It helped. If I can get into the habit, then I can renew my motivation to follow through with my plan of self-improvement through abstinence from food and alcohol.

So the plan is liquitarian. If I am hungry, I will respond to the hunger with:
-water
-coffee
-diet soda
-sf lemonade
-miso soup
-tea
-beer or vodka if it's available, but I'm flat broke and will run out of vodka today and beer tomorrow.

The important part is NO SOLID FOOD. I need to learn to respond to hunger with liquids rather than solids. I know people do it. I know it works if you're committed enough.

It's down to the wire.