The View From the Bottom of the Stairs

A mental disability stigma rant. Unedited because I was too pissed off about its contents.

155 in Five Days: Day 4

I haven't weighed myself, but I'm probably going to succeed at this, because I can't eat anymore. I just had my last piece of food ever, which was a cucumber slice. Now I am drinking lemon water and unfortunately I will need to have a sip of vodka to ease the alcohol withdrawal. I will probably still run because I love running, but I won't gain any fitness from it because I will not be taking in any fuel.

Dr. Ana says... "skeletons in coffins don't ever drink again!"

155 in FIVE DAYS: Day 1

For the next five days, I am going to take a break from focusing on ANYTHING else, and dedicate myself completely to attaining 155.0 lbs. Very minimal computer use, lots of reading, at least ten miles of running a day, fiber, fiber, more fiber, filling up on water and greens and chewing gum and staying out of the house so I can't eat. Single. Minded. Dedication.

It's 5:43 in the evening, and I've already eaten dinner, but I'm not starting tomorrow. I'm starting now.

Weight loss, group fitness, and other things

Two days ago, I took the test for my group fitness certification. I don't know whether I passed or failed but I know I did better than I expected, and I'm happy with my performance. The standards for passing are super high, so knowing I did well doesn't necessarily mean I passed.

I graduated from day treatment a week ago and have moved to Continuing Care, which is a step from 20 hours of treatment a week down to only two hours a week. I've been using some of this new spare time on running even more than I already was. The fact that I got a new running toy on Friday -- a Nathan Firecatcher hydration vest -- also helps :)

The scale has been rewarding me for all that extra running, and I am now 162.0 lbs. I'm going to walk to treatment today in order to burn even more calories. I want to be under 160 by April 20 and under 158 by April 30, and then under 156 by May 10, etc. two lbs every ten days. And I can do it.

I have a new girlfriend!

Yep. What the title says. It was completely unexpected and I wasn't looking at all, but a beautiful woman leapt into my heart through my eyes and my skin and I fell for her, hard.

This is apropos of nothing, other than, I suppose: be sober + be body-confident + be clear-headed + be awake + be able to actually leave my room and go out and socialize + don't be a flaky asshole = hit the happiness jackpot, sometimes.

I successfully applied for Medicaid and have filled out my FAFSA, and am adopting a dog very soon and getting my Basic Group Fitness certification even sooner. So big adulty things like getting my own health insurance, going back to school, becoming more employable, and willingly taking on responsibilities are happening with a lot greater ease than I ever imagined.

My mental health is excellent right now. And hopefully it is not done getting better.

30 Days of Thin: Day Two

Too lazy to type out exactly everything I ate today. A summary: almond milk, a veggie wrap, greek yogurt, strawberries, nuts. 
Total: 956 calories.

Question: How tall are you? Do you like your height?
I'm 5'10", and I don't like it very much. On one hand, it helps me look strong and athletic, but on the other hand, it decimated my competitive dance career, made me a target for bullying in school, and is a factor in making me look intimidating to some, rather than looking as submissive and harmless as I am.

To T or not to T?